July 4: Cancer

"I do, personally [prefer comedy to drama], because I find that I tend to not have a lot of dignity. I kind of don't mind falling flat on my face, I don't get embarrassed easily -- I think that lends itself to comedy. I make myself laugh all day long and I think when an actor's having fun, people will have fun watching that person."

"Barack Obama is the first Hispanic president the same way Bill Clinton was the first black president."

"I'm fine, really. I take all the tests four times a year. I get a check up on everything, echo and all those things. All the blood work, I do that four times a year. My mother, you know, she lived a long time, 103. I hope nothing happens. Because disease is the one thing, boy I tell you, it's tough to lick. It's tough to lick those goddamn diseases. I don't know why they can't. It bothers me they won't let us use -- and it doesn't mean that I'm Republican or Democrat -- the stem-cell. I think it could help."

"What I consider writer's block is when you think of something and it's garbage."

"I would rather have my column on a thousand refrigerator doors than win a Pulitzer."

"It is a sad commentary of our times when our young must seek advice and counsel from Dear Abby instead of going to Mom and Dad."